La Costa Lotta 


In the beginning, you and Shamara are finishing up what you both started in Leisure Suit Larry VI. After a bit, she suggests doing something new. So, she shackles your hands to the headboard with "Sisters of Steel" brand handcuffs. You might think this kinky new fantasy might be nice, but it doesn't last long. As soon as you're shackled, she takes your wallet and leaves the hotel room, but not without stuffing her cigarette in your mouth first. Of course, you don't smoke, so you do the stupidest thing possible: spit out the cigarette on the bed, and catch the bed sheet on fire.
The first thing you want to do, is take the Lil' Hair Weave Kit on the dresser to the right of Larry. Then, take the Vice Grips from the dresser to the left of Larry. Access your inventory, by pressing Ctrl-I, or right clicking anywhere, and choosing "Inventory". Left click once on the Lil' Hair Weave Kit, and choose "Open". Then, left click on the Vice Grips, and choose "Use" and choose "Needle". This bends the needle for you, in a zig-zag shape, perfect for picking locks. As soon as Larry calms down, and stays still, left click on the handcuffs on his hand, and choose Use. Choose to use the bent needle in the handcuffs. This gets you out of the burning bed, thankfully, but gets you in a dead end, with the fire inching closer to you, unthankfully. The Fire Chief tells you to jump. No problem, right? Only because you're on the fortieth floor, that shouldn't make any difference. However, there's a tiny problem; a glass sliding door. Did I mention the fire heated the frame, so that you can't open it, either? Didn't think so. Well, looks like you're going to have to break it with something.

The lamp is too heavy for you to live (20 pounds is waaay too heavy for Larry) and the chair crumbles as you smash it against the door. Guess we'll have to try some Larry-force. Left click on the glass sliding door, and choose "Other..." Type in "Break", and you'll throw yourself through the glass door, painfully, might I add. You make it to the balcony, which is where you find a small picture of a cruise ship, which you pocket. Then, the moment of truth comes: you have to leap forty floors to your safety, or to your death. Pretty fun, eh? Unfortunately, Larry doesn't have a choice, because the force of the explosion pushes him off the balcony. He DOES land on the net, however. And then he proceeds to bounce off numerous things on, and off screen, landing on a nice, soft, cactus. "Leisure Suit Larry, you've just leapt from the 40th floor of a burning building! What are you going to do next?" Take a cruise, of course!


The PMS Bouncy (Boarding the ship and first activities) 



Larry arrives at the docks, and meets the beautiful Captain Thygh, and gets slapped within the first two sentences he utters. He boards the ship, and is then given his room keycard by the purser, but of course, there was a problem with his original room, and he's been moved to a much BIGGER room. (If you've played previous Leisure Suit Larry games, you know what to expect).
Anyway, just look around the main lobby a bit, and soon, an announcement comes on, to anyway wishing to hump the Captain for the next week, they should report to the Lounge. Well, needless to say, you run straight for the Lounge first. After you get the announcement, right click anywhere on the screen, and choose "Map". This gives you a map of the ship, and if you hold your cursor over an area, and the area gets highlighted, you can travel to that area. In the lower right, it shows you a screenshot of the room you'd enter if you click on that area. Look at the second to the top floor of the ship, and hold your cursor over the red area in the middle of the deck. It shows in the lower right corner, that it is the "Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge". This is exactly where you want to go. Click on the red area, and you get "magically" transported there.

Peter the Purser explains the TMT (Thygh Man Trophy) contest. After he is done talking, feel free to look around, and look at the cannons, or chests. You want to pay special attention to the left row of chests, about 3 chests back. You should see a speck of red and white striped, something. Go ahead and click on it. Welcome to "Where's Dildo?", which is a fun game making fun of "Where's Waldo?". Just find 32 of these little suckers, and you get something special. 1 down, 31 to go.

After you're done with that, click on the door at the bottom of the stage, to leave the lounge. This leads you out to a top deck. As you might notice by sight and hearing, in the lower right, you see a flashing "1" picture. This tells you to whip out your "CyberSniff 2000"! Find the number 1 square on your CyberSniff 2000, and scratch it lightly. Then, sniff the number 1 square. Get a big old whiff of sea air. It's just like you're there. You can examine the many interesting topiaries that the PMS Bouncy has on exhibit. Hidden in the "Where's Dildo" topiary, you should she another Where's Dildo?. Go ahead and click him. 2 down, 30 to go. 

Go ahead and move your cursor to the far left, until you get a left arrow icon. Click, and go left. Here, you can see a fire hose case, and you probably see a fat woman pirate, too. (If not, don't worry, you'll see her soon enough!) Go ahead and click on the fire hose case, and choose "Open". Then, click on the fire hose itself, and take it. If you see the pirate woman, click on her, and choose Talk. Now, you see a menu of options that you can click on, and Larry will discuss that topic with Peggy. Choose "Your Name", and you tell her you can tell where she got her name from, and she returns your friendly ice breakers with a half dozen expletives. 

After you have chosen all the options, you should have learned a couple things. One, mixing KZ Sexual Lubricant, and Deodorant will cause an explosion. Two, Peggy swears an awful lot. Now, if you like, you can choose "Other.." from the conversation menu, and you get to choose the topic. Type in "Captain" to get a colorful description of Captain Thygh. After you've heard enough, choose Goodbye. Continue on your way left. Now, do you see the sneaky Where's Dildo? in this screen? Well, he's behind the sheep topiary pot. 3 down, 29 to go. Go ahead and look at the topiary sheep, and take some kumquats. You'll be glad you did later. (Although from the particular kumquats you picked, the sheep isn't too happy). 

Now, you see another character in this screen. Go ahead and talk to him. His name is Rod. His job is entertaining the non-existent children on this cruise. And I must say, he's doing a bang-up job. Talk to him again, and he'll make you a balloon animal. Keep talking, and he'll make you a huge range of different balloon animals. (Yeah, right). At this time, bring up your inventory, and let's take a look at what we have. You can left click on any item, and look at it, and see what it is. Look at your TMT Card, and you see what competitions you have to participate in. The competitions are: Poop Deck Horseshoes, Craps Tournament, Tail Deck Bowling, LoveMaster 2000, Captain's Cook-Off, and Best-Dressed Man. Oh yeah, you'll have no problem with this. Sheesh Larry, good luck...you're gonna need it.


The LoveMaster 2000 Contest 



Get the ship map on screen, and look at the available rooms, until you get to "Library". Go there. By the grandfather clock, is yet another Where's Dildo?. 4 down, 28 to go. Feel free to look at all the different books in the bookcases. After you're done, go right. Here, you meet Victorian Principles. A submissive librarian with an extreme nymphomaniacal, darker side of her, hidden away. You consider it your job to release that inner beast. Go ahead and talk with her. 
From the topics, you learn that she dislikes "spicy" literature, but you're sure she would love it, if she was just exposed to some. In this conversation, "Other..." as the topic is very important. No matter what you type, she turns around to her computer, and doesn't see you for about 10 seconds. Go ahead and take the mucilage in front of the pile of books. That's all you can do in here for now, so split. Say goodbye to her, and go south. Now, take a look at the champagne waterfall. Right next to it, is a column, and peeking out of it, is a little Where's Dildo?. Go ahead and let him loose. 5 down, 27 to go. 

Our next stop is the Clothing Optional Pool, so whip out your ship map, and click on the pool. In the changing cabana, you can see people come and go, and there's a little Where's Dildo? in the bushes toward the left. 6 down, 26 to go. Continue on your way right, and you'll be stopped by Dick. Apparantely, you can't wear you're leisure suit out in the sun, for fear of igniting. You can understand that, so you get a loaner bathing suit. And what a normal looking bathing suit it is. At least you can have a towel to cover it up. When you get past Dick, the CyberSniff 2000 shows a 2. So, grab your sheet, and scratch and sniff number 2. It's suntan lotion! 

Well anyway, this nude woman on a chaise lounge gets sunscreen in her eyes, and asks for a towel, groping blindly in the air. Sure enough, you walk right in the path, and your cover is shot, and your bathing suit shown. How humiliating. Well, anyway, you get in a conversation with this woman, and learn her name is Drew Baringmore. Talk to her on all the options, and learn quite a few things. One, Drew has had her cabin boy lock up her clothes in a place where she can never get them. Two, a Gigantic Erection is a cocktail, that takes an awful long time to prepare. Three, the book you want for Victorian, "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules", is in Drew's hands, and she's not done with it. Also, on your way out, take a look at "Peoples" magazine to learn about the Juggs. 

Well, it's about time you checked out your new digs, so go ahead and get out your ship map, and choose Cabin 0. The first thing you should notice is the Where's Dildo? directly in front of you, behind the bucket. 7 down, 25 to go. The second thing you should notice, is the CyberSniff 2000 flashing the number 6. Take a big ol' whiff of number 6 on your card, and you should smell a dank pit like smell. Feel free to look around, sleep on the cot. Also, check out the toilet pipe, and unclog it by taking out the can of Silicone Lubricant. Also, on the opposite side of the toilet, is some nice toilet paper. Go ahead and take it. Go back to the clothing optional pool, and go left, to Drew's deck. Dick will stop you again, but in a couple sentences, you've got your elephant, and ready for action. 

Talk to Drew, and ask her about her book again. She'll give it to you this time. Great, something to give Victorian! Go on back to the library, and prepare to swap some books. Once you've gotten the talking bar up, choose "Other.." and then type anything you want. This will make Vicki turn around, and type on the computer for 10 seconds. Now, take your time, you can make Vicki turn and type as much as you want, so you have tons of chances to do this. First off, take the book with the yellow cover. It's the top book on the stack. Once you have it in your inventory, go in your inventory, and click on it. Choose Remove Jacket. Then, click on the book jacket, and use it with the dirty book. Now you have the dirty book with the Prudish And Proud cover. Exit your inventory, and click the book stack, and use it with the Erotic book with the Prudish cover. Now, you're all set. 

Whip out your map, and go back to your cabin. Now, hiding beside the toilet is another Where's Dildo?. Go ahead and click him. 8 down, 24 to go. Now, whip out your map again, and choose the Sexual Prowess competition area. It's in the purple rectangle of blocks. Where's Dildo? time again! This time he's sticking out of the fourth booth. Click him. 9 down, 23 to go. Now, the CyberSniff 2000 also tells you smell a very strong number 7 smell. Take a little sniff, and it smells like fish. Go figure. Next, click on the lips on the left wall, and use your TMT card in the lips/cardreader. Next, watch poor Larry's attempt to win. You gotta feel sorry for the guy. 

On your way out, push the green button beside the fourth booth. After you're done in there, take out the map, and take another walk to your cabin. You should notice another Where's Dildo? hiding out behind the pipes in the lower left hand corner. 10 down, 22 to go. Vicki should be just about done now, so go ahead and use your map to travel to the library. You should notice a change in music, telling you what to expect up ahead. You'll also notice a bigger Where's Dildo? on the screen towards the right, behind the pineapple. 11 down, 21 to go. Well, might as well talk to the new, improved Vicki. 

After you ask about the weather, it'll turn her on so much, that she actually has sex with you. (Not having her glasses on made you look a lot better) Well, having absolutely no clothes, you try to make it to your cabin without being noticed. However, an old lady sees you just as you near your room. So much for secrecy. As you get dressed in your room, you should notice that since you've "interacted" with Vicki, there is now a bitmap saved in your LSL7 directory called "vicky.bmp". I suggest you take a look at it. Well, after that experience, you just can't wait for more. 

Get your ship map out, and go to the Library, again. Now, finish your conversation with Victorian. After asking about Sex, Larry challenges Vicki to prove that she's the most sexually-competent person on the ship. He tells her to take his scorecard, and beat the LoveMaster 2000. Well, needless to say, she passes with flying colors. You didn't win the bet, but you got a record high score on the LoveMaster 2000. One competition down.


The Best Dressed Man Contest 



Now that you're done with the LoveMaster, onto the Best Dressed Competition. Get out the ship map, and choose the Best Dressed Competition area, in the purple rectangle of blocks. Aww, isn't that cute? A Where's Dildo? right next to the computer, beside you. Pick him up. 12 down, 20 to go. Now, let's see you blow this contest out of the water. Unzip the mannequin's fly (Yes, I'm serious) and discover the cleverly hidden cardreader. 
Wow, record high score, right? I mean, isn't two just a wonderful score? Ok, looks like you need to cheat on this contest as well. Take out your map, and travel to Captain Queeg's Ballroom. Since the main doors are open, go on through. Now, besides the nude swimmers at the top, you should notice a Where's Dildo? on stage. Go ahead and punch him with the mouse cursor. 13 down, 19 to go. There are also two other dildos hiding behind the chair, and and next to the statue. (Skipping ahead cause these dildos were added after, 30 down, 2 to go, and 31 down, 1 to go.) Now, talk to the woman behind the drawing table. You find out she's the infamous Jamie Lee Coitus. By talking to her, you learn that Calvin Klone pirated her spring line, and sold it as his. It's obvious she needs your help. Click "Other..." and type in leisure suits. All right! Now she'll show leisure suits, and then retro will be in again, and you can win the contest! 

But where will you get a bunch of polyester from? I'll tell you where. Pop up your map, and click on the El Replicant Sculpture Garden. Wow. A really big David made of playing cards, and an almost finished Venus de Milo of casino dice. If you look carefully beside David's foot, you can see another Where's Dildo?. 14 down, 18 to go. You gotta some of these dice as a souvenir. Click on Venus' foot, and her big toe, and take a couple souvenir dice. Next, go down, and you're back in the main room. You should see yet another Where's Dildo? beside the giant books at the entrance leading to the library. 

15 down, 17 to go. After you've clicked him, move right, back into the Sculpture Garden. The sculptor is gone, and you can climb the ladder of the scaffolding to the Venus O' Dice. Check out Bob Bitt's toolbox. On the top is a very handy screwdriver. Go ahead and pocket it. Go to your map again, and this time, head for the Employees Only area. It's close to the Sculpture Garden. On it, you see the many faces of past TMT contest winners, and a big picture of Captain Thygh herself, in a bathing suit. And also, you might notice a big security door with a bunch of testing equipment to gain access to. And of course, there are those lasers in front of you. 

Well, Larry Laffer was never one to back away from a challenge. Since you can't die, just walk right up to the security door, ignoring those large painful weapons that pop out of everywhere as you pass the lasers. Click on the security door, and choose "Other..." and type in "Push". I guess someone left it open just enough for you to get in. Once you get inside, you can see a little Where's Dildo? hiding behind one of the chairs to the right. Click him. 16 down, 16 to go. Now, go ahead and check out the counter. There you can take a tube of KZ Sexual Lubricant, beside the coffee maker; and a jackpot preventer jumper wire above the microwave and the shaved dice bowl. 

Take both of these items, and check out the view of Captain Thygh on the fridge (naked), and the wall (barely clothed), and also check out the lockers on the wall. After you've taken in all the scenery, take out your map, and go to the top of the ship; the bridge. The first thing you see, is a ladder, so you might as well climb it. This takes you up to the sails, take a look at them, and you find out they are made of 100% pure polyester. Now if you could only raise the sails. There's gotta be controls in the bridge, right? Climb down the pole, and go into the bridge. Aww, you see another Where's Dildo? in there. 17 down, 15 to go. Well, the controls you want to access are there, but there's a big killer dog guarding them. Hmm, nothing we can do about him now. 

Go back outside, and; wait! That control box under the life preserver looks like it could be the controls that we couldn't get to inside! Take out your trusty screwdriver, and unscrew the cover. Hmm, the speaker fuse, and the sail fuse. Since there are so many announcements, let's rig it up so that the sails raise every time an announcement is made. You are truly a genius, Larry. Take out your jumper wire, and use it on either of the fuses. Things should happen now. Ok, climb back up the ladder, and wait for an announcement. Wow, you actually made it work! All right! Now if you only had something to cut it with. Looks like you need to take a trip to the dining room, Larry. That's the most logical place that a knife would be found. Take out the map, and go to The Heaving Ho'. First you thing you notice is the wonderful ice carving of Captain Thygh, which looks very realistic. Go ahead and lick it. Scanning the room, you also see the door at the far side of the room, with various signs reading "18 and older Only!" "Closed to the Public!" and other various messages. Holding your ear up to the door and listening, you hear that they seem to be having a great time! 

You want in, but the door is locked. Oh well. As you continue to scan the dining room, you see a nice big bowl of bean dip. You just can't resist. Go ahead and eat some. Oopsies! Looks like the dip gave us a problem. Go ahead and click yourself, and find out you have a new option, "Fart". Try it out. Uh oh! CyberSniff 2000 time!! And no matter how much you don't want to, scratch number 5 on your card, and take a huge whiff. It's like you were just beside Larry. Well, looks like on the buffet table near the middle, at the bottom is your friend, Where's Dildo?. Go ahead and kick him off the table. 18 down, 14 to go. Next, you see the meat carver, at the right. Go ahead and talk to him. He'll give you a nice serving of s'Pork, that great stuff. Talk to him again, and you get even more s'Pork! All right! The good news is, he's gone, and you can take whatever you want. And that's the last you'll ever see of Wang. He never comes back. Well, that strange hanging meat has certainly caught your eye. And one of them is striped! 

Click on it, and you find out it's your good buddy, Where's Dildo?. 19 down, 13 to go. Also, that knife is just what you were looking for, so pocket it. And that heat lamp looks nice too, so take the heat bulb. Now, you're all ready for the sails again. Using your map, head back to the bridge, and climb the ladder. If the sails aren't up, wait for an announcement. When they're up, climb on the pole, and use the knife to cut some polyster. 

And, of course, shortly after there is an announcement, and the sails come down; with you in them. Ironically enough, that's the last announcement of the evening, and you spend all night in a sail. Morning comes, and the morning announcement is made, and the sails go up, and you fall down on the bridge. Ouch. Well, at least you have the cloth. Go back to Captain Queeg's Ballroom, and talk to Jamie Lee. Use the polyster on her. Well, you end up naked...again. This time you know you can get back to your room unseen. Well, that's what you thought, until Peggy showed up. Ech. Well, Larry, Jamie Lee had to leave you something at the Ballroom, right? Go on back. Ah, a note! It tells you to meet Jamie backstage. All right!!! Get on backstage, and prepare yourself. Well, you end up ONstage, but you make the best of it, and start showing off your fashion. Well, I think they loved it, after all, they ripped your suit to shreds. Okay, once again, you stumble back to your room with nothing on, and know you aren't going to meet anyone on the way. Instead, you meet a reporter from Inside Edition. Oh well. Now that you've "interacted" with Jamie Lee, a bitmap has been saved in your LSL7 directory, called "jamielee.bmp". I suggest you take a look at it. You won't regret it. Well, now that the "Larry" fashion is in, go back to the Best Dressed contest, and take another stab at it. All right, a win! Congrats! Two contests down.


The Craps Tournament 



Ok, you feel like gambling now, right? Get out your map, and go to the Pair O' Dice Casino. What do you see on the blackjack seats below? Why, it's Where's Dildo?! 20 down, 12 to go. Well, it looks like you can't even lose at craps, because the table is too full. But, you did notice how the people reacted to your "problem" with the bean dip. Maybe it'll work here. Go back to the dining room, eat some bean dip, and come back to the casino. Then, go ahead and fart. Sure, it's socially unacceptable, but now the craps table is empty! Talk to the "Croupier", and get a feel for his attitude. 
Then, go ahead, and play. And lose, too. Hmm, it looks like those souvenir dice with the glue would help right now. Nuts! Looks like Jacques won't let you use those dice. Use the souvenir dice with the toilet paper, to get the new, improved completely illegal, but Jacques doesn't know, dice. Now that you got your shaved dice, nothing can stop you. Bet again, and once Jacques gives you the casino dice, use your shaved dice on the table instead. Once you start winning, a woman named Dewmi Moore (Nice name, eh?) takes notice of you, and offers you a game of Strip Liar's Dice. You accept, of course, (The game has the word "strip" in it) and you go to her cabin. The rules are relatively easy, you can view them by clicking on "How to Play". It takes a lot of saving, and restoring, but you'll win. The first few times you win, she pays for new dice by paying up some money, but after she runs out of money, things start getting interesting. 

After your fifth win, she starts taking off clothes. First to go are the shoes, then her blouse, then her skirt, and then she buys a die from the excess money she made off the skirt. After that, she takes off an earring, and then the other earring. Then, off the excess money she made off both earrings, she buys another die. After that, things start getting serious. She then takes off her panties, but after that, she doesn't buy any more die, she waits until all her die are gone, so you have to win 5 more times. Then, she starts taking off her bra, when she offers you a drink to loosen up. You decline at first, but then accept. 

And just as she's taking off her bra, you slip into this deep dream like phycadelic sex-oriented state of mind, with 60's music playing in the background. She's drugged ya! Well, you wake up naked, in her pool, and once again have to walk to your room. Once again, someone sees you, this time a nun. Egads! Once you're dressed, I suggest you save your game, load up a picture viewer, and view "dewmi.bmp" in your LSL7 directory. It'll be worth the time and effort. And then, you get the announcement that you won the craps tournament. Good job! Three contests down.


Poop Deck Horseshoes 



After your encounter with Dewmi, go back to her room using your map. On the table near the left wall, you see what she drugged you with: Orgasmic Powder! Well, no big deal. Now to win that Cook Off. First stop, go back to the Promenade Deck, and talk to Peggy. Talk to her about a Cabin Boy, and then the break room. And if you looked at the lockers, and tried to open them, then tell her about the lockers, and she'll give you the locker to look in. If not, go back and try to open the lockers. Go back to the lockers, and open the second one from the left, on the bottom row. 
Then, go back to Peggy and ask her the combonation. She tells you the combo, 38-24-36. Go back to the lockers and punch it in. And you get smashed by the locker bay. Go in, and talk to Xqwzts, and talk to him about the dirty pictures. Then ask how he did it, and finally buy the pictures from him. Next, get out of Xqwzts's room. Then, go to the main room, with the waterfall of champagne a.k.a. Das Grande Atriumo. Talk to Peter the Purser about everything. Then, use the white courtesy phone on the column next to the main desk. Call pranks. Then, walk away from the phone, and look at the roofs above you. On the second one, is your good pal and mine, Where's Dildo? Get him. 21 down, 11 to go. Then, go back to the Promenade Deck, and ask Peggy about Xqwzts. You find out that Xqwzts wants a passport very badly. 

Go to the purser again, and ask him about obtaining your passport. You find out you need a Photo I.D. Well, we got our dirty pictures, we got mucilage, and we got a keycard. Put the mucilage on the dirty pictures, and paste them on the keycard. Bingo! Our Photo I.D. Show it to the Purser to get your passport, and then go back to Xqwzts. Show him the passport, and he runs off with it. But, he leaves his custodial key. Go ahead and take it. You've just gained access to three new areas. Now, let's take a look at the credits, to thank the wonderful people who made this game. Go to the pull down menus at the top, choose Help, and choose About... Wow!! Look!! It's Where's Dildo?! 22 down, 10 to go. 

Now, go ahead and thank each member of the Larry team. After you're done, get out your map and go to the Ballroom. Read the note that Jamie Lee left you. Oh well, Larry. Things will get better. Now, let's go to your room again. Try to flush your toilet, and learn it's out of water. No problem! Hook up your fire hose to the water pipe behind the staircase, and flush the toilet again. There we go! Now, head on over to the Poop Deck. Talk to those large-breasted woman in the hot tub. So these are the Juggs we read about. From talking to them, you'll learn that by mixing Spandex, Silicone Lubricant, and heat, you get a nice little chemical reaction that'll provide some neat effects with the Juggs. Maybe you should try that out? Now, go on to the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge, and head southeast. 

You'll run into a bar. Talk to the bartender, and order some Lime Juice. While he's making it, check out the Where's Dildo? near the west side of the window. 23 down, 9 to go. After he's done with your lime juice, order a Gigantic Erection, like Drew did. He'll tell you it'll take a while. Now, when he's gone, exit the bar, and go into the room to the left of the bar window. This is the Juggs' dressing room. Hmm, your silicone lubricant looks a lot like the deodorant on their dressing table. Make a swap. And now you have KZ Lubricant, and Deodorant, you can make a nice little show. And can you see the little Where's Dildo? behind those hay stacks? 24 down, 8 to go. Also, you can check out their Karaoke system as well. Don't forget to push the red button next to the records on your way out! Leave the dressing room, and notice that the lighting system has come down! Take a look at the lamp, take out the current bulb, and replace it with the heat lamp bulb. That should do it! Now, order another Gigantic Erection, go back in the dressing room, and hit the button again to raise the lighting trusses. And one of the times you go in the dressing room, if you're lucky, you just might see the Juggs in there. And believe me, it's something you want to see. 

Leave, and go anywhere, and prompty return to the lounge. You should see the Juggs performance, and I must say, it's pretty damn good. You get to even take part in it! After you're wonderful experience, you once again leave for your room exposed. And a bunch of Japanese photographers are there to greet you. At this point, open juggs.bmp in your LSL7 directory. You'll be glad you did! Once again, leave for the Lounge, and go up on stage via the new stairway to the right. Grab those chase lights on stage, and head left. Grab the remote on the switchboard, and play with Mr. Karaoke, if you like. Once you've gotten everything, get your map out, and go to the horseshoes competition. Do you see Where's Dildo? to the right of the champagne waterfall on the opposite court? 25 down, 7 to go. Now, take your TMT Scorecard, and shove it up the Centaur's ass. No, I'm not joking. You get some spiffy horseshoes. 

Now play, and lose. Then, take out your card from the horse's ass, and go to the Sculpture Garden. Climb the ladder of the Venus O' Dice, and wrap the Battery Powered Chase Lights on the spike. That oughtta fix your losing streak at horseshoes, as soon as you turn on the belt. That spike is the horseshoe spike from the above deck, if you hadn't noticed. Head back to the horseshoe area, stuff your card in the cardreader in the horse, and turn on the remote. Now, play some horseshoes and win! Take your keycard, and listen to the wonderful announcement of you winning yet another competition. Four contests down.


Tail Deck Bowling 



Ok, go to the bowling competition, and let's see how well you do at this. Well, look what's hiding behind that little rhino butt! It's Where's Dildo?! 26 down, 6 to go. Insert your TMT scorecard in between the walrus teeth, and get your bowling ball. Now, play, and...lose. Oh well. Go back to the Employees Only lounge, and go into Xqwzts's room.
Now, using your screwdriver, open up the vent, and crawl in. Ah, looks like you're behind the door of that locked room in the dining room! Aha! Well, just jump right in! Click on yourself (you're near the right wall, kinda at the top), and click Undress.

Well, that was certainly interesting. Again, you trudge to your room naked, and Peter gets ya this time. Eep! While you walk down the stairs, you notice the woman in black at the Dessert Eating, is sitting on your bed. You both get into a discussion, and the Larry and the woman completely misunderstand one another. She gives him a "sample" of what to expect, and also drops her hanky. Once you get dressed, pick up the hankie, and go to the dining room, and go up, into the dessert eating room. Take a look around, sniff the CyberSniff 2000, and take a look at the chair in the lower left corner of the table. You smell the same perfume that you had smelled previously on that woman in black, and you find a life insurance policy under the chair. Now to find out who this woman is. 

Take a look at the policy, read it, and find out who she is. Now, go to Peter Purser, and ask him about her. Hmm, no luck. Go to the white courtesy phone, and call Boning a couple times. Once you've called him twice, talk to Peter again, and ask him about your account. When he's gone, look at his phone, and push the red LND button to find out Annette Boning's cabin number. Now, to pay her a visit. Go to her cabin, and open the door. Now, you're in the dark with a bed, and a person in the bed who appears to be Annette. Hop in! Well, you learn a whole lot of crap, including you were "boning" Mr. Boning! Yipes! A whole lot of mass miscommunication happens between Annette and Larry, and he winds up naked going to his room again. This time he couldn't care less if someone saw him, but then a little girl and her mommy come. Eek, again! 

Once you get dressed, take a look at annette.bmp, it's pretty good! Well, you don't give up easy, so head back to the Boning cabin, ring the doorbell, and talk to Mrs. Boning. Well, Ms. now. Give her the life insurance, and she'll give ya half a billion dollars in stock. But you wanted to get laid! Oh well, now at least you can win the bowling competition. How, might you ask? Simple. Whip out Mr. Ship Map, and choose to go to the Aft Hold. Use the custodial key in the handle. So this is where they make bowling pins, eh? I bet you could win the contest using that cool little deodorant-on-the-KZ-jelly-things-go-boom trick.

Open up the bowling pin hopper that's right next to you, and spray your deodorant on the pins. Now, go in your inventory, and put the KZ jelly on the hanky you got from Annette. Go back to the bowling alleys, and insert your keycard in the walrus teeth, take your ball, and use it with the treated hanky. Now, bowl, and win! All right, that was quite a show! And now you've won the bowling. 5 contests down.


Captain's Cook Off 



Get out your map, and travel to the kitchen. Can you see Where's Dildo? in the meats? 27 down, 5 to go. Go ahead and take the fish in newspaper on the center table, and the pot and salt on the southwest table. Also, use the CaviarMaster 2000 on the west table. Then, read the magazine you just got. It tells you a neat little recipe you can make yourself. All you need is beaver milk, lime juice, salt, mold, and kumquats. You have 3 out of 5 things, the others shouldn't be that hard to get. Using your map, go to the Lower Aft Hold, and use the key in the door. Now, click on any beaver, and choose Other, and type in milk. What a show! And now you have beaver milk!
Next, go to the library, and read the books they have. The two books you really wanna read are the electromagnetism one, and the Fokker one. The Fokker one is on the right shelf, near the middle-top, the electromagnetism is on the left shelf, near the bottom. Next, travel to the Forward Hold. Use the key in the handle, and check out the Where's Dildo? hidden behind some luggage to your left. 28 down, 4 to go. Now, all you need is mold.

Go to the Captain's Quarters, and take a look at the scoreboard. Sheesh, you're close! Only one more contest to go. Knock on the Captain's room, and you get a little taste of what it's like to be a TMT winner. Go on back to the Optional Clothing Pool, and look at the bush to the right. Do I see a little Where's Dildo?? 29 down, 3 to go. (The next to last 2 are found in the ballroom, see above to see where to get them, so you end up with 31 of 32 dildos) Now, go back and talk to Drew, and get her to go to your cabin. After she tells you that she has no clothes, and her suitcase is locked up, go into the Forward Hold, and Drew's suitcase will be thrown at you. Get the suitcase, and travel back to Drew. Tell her about the suitcase, and she'll go to your cabin. However, she takes a shower, and never comes out. But there's something you can do to get her to come out. Flush the toilet, and listen to her screams. Well, it didn't work out as you expected, you thought she could take a little joke. Now, you might wanna check out drew.bmp, you'll like it. Leave your cabin, and come back, and mold should have grown in the safety shower. Take some. Now, travel to the kitchen, and use the milk with the CyberCheese 2000. Now, you've got some Beaver cheese.

Use the kumquats with the cheese, and you'll whip up some quiche. Also, click on the python that's on the ground in the kitchen for some extra points. But the quiche still won't win the taste contest. I know! Put some of that orgasmic powder on it. That oughtta get a reaction out of those judges. Go to the Cook-Off, and give them your quiche. And, of course, you win. All contests are done! Congratulate yourself, Larry.


Captain Thygh, One on One 



Finally, you win the contest! Some good luck, for a change. Go up to the Captain's Quarters, and politely knock on the door. Uh oh. Out comes last week's winner, who gives you a warning not to enter. To hell with him, you've gotten this far, right? As you enter the door, you see a wonderful land, with green grass and blue skies. You, of course, sensing the opera music, get dressed for the occasion, and after only one fall in the water, race up the stairs to meet the wonderful Captain Thygh. How you wish she was as taken with you as you are with her. However, she turns her head in disgust, and it crushes you. (Kind of). 
But, as I said before, you never give up! After a short conversation with the captain, you learn that she's always wanted to operate a huge crude oil tanker. Well, don't you have those stocks? Go on and give them to her, and happily watch the epilogue. Congratulations on a job well done, Larry. Don't forget to look at thygh.bmp!


Easter Eggs Found So Far 



-By clicking on the beaver in the library, and choosing "Milk", you'll get a little surprise next time you go into the Juggs dressing room.
-By clicking on the plant in front of Drew, and choosing "push", you'll get a little surprise.


Items List 



Name of Item Place Gotten How used 

Lil' Hair Weave Kit 
Shamara's Room  
To open and get needle 
Vice Grips Shamara's Room  To bend needle 
Needle  Lil' Hair Weave Kit To bend 
Bent Needle  Lil' Hair Weave Kit To unlock handcuffs 
Your Cabin Keycard  Peter the Purser To unlock your cabin; to serve as photo i.d. 
Ship's Map  Peter the Purser  To navigate the ship 
TMT Scorecard  Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  To keep track of events; scoring 
Firehose  Promenade Deck  In your cabin to hook up toilet and water pipe 
Kumquats  Fo'c's'le  Used in quiche recipe 
Mucilage  Library  Used to paste photo to keycard 
Silicone Lubricant  Your Cabin  To replace with deodorant in the Juggs dressing room 
Toilet Paper  Your Cabin  To shave the souvenir dice 
"The Erotic...Hercules"  Clothing Optional Pool  Used to make Victorian loose 
"Prudish..." Sans Jacket  Anywhere  No use 
"Prudish..." Book Jacket  Anywhere  Used on "Erotic..." and given to Victorian 
Souvenir Dice  Sculpture Garden  To get shaved and win at craps 
Screwdriver  Sculpture Garden  To unscrew the cover to the PA system and sails, and also to unscrew the grate in Xqwzts's room 
KZ Sexual Lubricant  Employee Lounge  To be wiped on the bowling ball with hanky to win Bowling contest 
Jumper Wire  Employee Lounge  Used on PA system and sail controls outside Bridge 
Carving Knife  The Heaving Ho'  Used to cut polyester from the ship's sails 
Heat Lamp Bulb  The Heaving Ho'  Used on the lighting trusses to make the Juggs "overheat" 
Polyser Cloth  Above the Bridge  Used on Jamie Lee Coitus to win Best Dressed Contest 
Orgasmic Powder  Cabin 510 (Dewmi's Room)  Used on quiche to win Cook-Off 
Dirty Pictures  Xqwzts's Room  Used with mucilage and keycard to make photo i.d. 
Sticky Dirty Pictures  Anywhere  Used on keycard to make photo i.d. 
Photo I.D.  Anywhere  Used with Peter the Purser to gain Passport 
Passport  Peter the Purser  Given to Xqwzts 
Custodial Key  Xqwzts's Room  Used to open the ship holds 
Magazine Page  Kitchen  Used to get quiche recipe 
Pot  Kitchen  Used to hold beaver milk 
Salt  Kitchen  Used in quiche recipe 
Venezuelan Beaver Milk  Lower Aft Hold  Used in quiche recipe 
Lime Juice  Lounge  Used in quiche recipe 
Deodorant Spray  The Juggs Dress Room  Used on bowling pins in Aft Hold 
Chase Lights  Lounge  Used on spike in Sculpture Garden 
Remote Control  Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  Used to turn on Chase Lights, and magnetize horseshoe stake 
Woman's Handkerchief  Your Room after Annette  Used to apply KZ jelly to bowling ball to win Bowling 
Life Insurance Policy  Dessert Tasting Room  Given to Annette to get stocks 
Stock Certificate  Owner's Suite (Annette)  Given to Captain Thygh to get laid 
Treated Handkerchief  Anywhere  Used to put on bowling ball to win Bowling Contest 
Mold  Your Room (Drew)  Used in quiche recipe